Last night I eavesdropped on the College World Series.
The baseball game was between Vanderbilt and North Carolina State. Per usual, the outcome ended up being a heartbreaking loss for one pitcher, and a glorious victory for another.
Vanderbilt pitcher, Jack Leiter, whose father, Al, pitched in the major leagues, carved up the other team… yet lost, 1-0.
One pitch, and a good pitch it was, got knocked out of the park by Terrell Tatum of North Carolina State.
Other than the homerun, Leiter was phenomenal.
One swing of the bat did him in.
His Vanderbilt team, the “defending” national champions, are now playing in the consolation brackets.
What to do if you are the pitcher who lost? Focus on the one pitch that sailed over the fence? Blame yourself for the team’s loss?
Or do you look for and find something positive to focus on?
It’s tough to focus on what you did correctly after a loss. It’s tough to look for the positives, the “what’s good about it?” But it is necessary if you want to recover and move on to bigger and much better opportunities.
Even though focusing on the positive is necessary, the same can be said about looking at what went wrong.
We make mistakes so we can learn from them. We make mistakes so we can grow and get better. And sometimes we don’t even make a mistake, and we end up with a result we didn’t want, desire or expect.
That’s life.
Losing in sports, especially in front of thousands of fans and/or a nationally televised audience, can traumatize the brain at a deep level. Some losses are easy to put behind you while others do long-term damage. The losses you naturally adjust to are no big deal; the ones you hold onto are the ones that become “blocks.”
Athletes who lose in big games sometimes feel that “everyone” is looking at them with contempt and disdain. In some cases, fans are ruthless and give that impression (Bill Buckner and the Red Sox fans are a prime example), but most of the time most people are focused on their own problems as soon as the game ends.
This was first told to me at a low point in my athletic career. A professor who was in the audience when I lost a hard-fought bout, took note of my sullen demeanor the next day. He called me to the side and said, “I know losing sucks. It hurts. But one of the things you need to realize is this: No one cares.”
Ouch! I’m not sure which stung more at that time. Losing, or being told that no one cares if I lose.
Here’s the most important takeaway: Your reaction to losing and your interpretations of comments from well-meaning and/or diabolical fans, can be a traumatic experience for the brain. Even so, there’s an incredibly effective way to tame and transform this trauma and use the energy from it to create the life you want.
Anyone can learn how to do this. It’s not just for athletes. And the process leads to feelings of euphoria.
Part of taming the trauma involves the self-image exercises in Theatre of the Mind and Zero Resistance Living.
The other part involves private or group coaching.
If you sense that you have “blocks” to moving ahead, then get started today. Turn the tide in your favor. Tame your trauma. Say goodbye to the agony of defeat.
Best,
Matt Furey
The Worst Question in Self-Development
The first time someone asked me the worst question in self-development was back in 1990.
My first thought was, “What a creepy thing to ask? What do you want to know that for?”
Over the years, I’ve heard more and more people asking this question and my opinion of it hasn’t changed.
What’s the question?
It is this: “And how did/does that make you feel?”
Various forms and guises of this question are now prevalent in everywhere, including in professional sports, during their post-game interviews.
Reporter: “How did you feel when you hit the homerun? How did you feel when you scored your first touchdown? How did you feel when you sunk the game winning shot?”
Everything is about feelings with almost no insights into the “inner game” or strategy of the athlete.
Good questions are almost completely absent from interviews today, much less useful coaching.
Instead of discovering what someone was thinking, which may include his or her feelings, reporters, teachers and coaches isolate the one thing they think matters most. And the truth is the one thing they think matters the most usually matters the least.
Feelings are a factor in properly positioning your mind for success, but when it comes to overcoming adversity, to rising above deep difficulties, to accomplishing a goal, the caveman mentality often works best.
Look at the images the caveman drew upon the wall for his fellow cavemen to see. Listen to him speak about what he drew.
See those buffalo? Those deer? Tomorrow we go hunt and bring home. You want? Raaaaaaaahhhhh.
The goal is established. Sights are now set. The only thing left is action.
At no time does the caveman ask, “And how does tomorrow’s hunt make you feel?”
When you visualize, you mentally picture your goal. You also imagine and pretend you can hear the sounds and feel the feelings of getting what you want. All three of these senses are important; so are the others that I didn’t mention. But feelings are not driving the bus. Images playing within the mind of the bus driver dictate where the rig goes.
Your self-image is most important. It is the blueprint for where you’re going in life. Your feelings are a factor, but they are far from being the most important one.
Never answer the question, “And how does that make you feel?”
Focus on your mental images and you’ll get along much better.
Matt Furey
Zig-Zag Your Way to Success
Tue, Jun 8 at 10:51 AM Success comes in a straight line, but only after you’ve zigged and zagged your way to the finish.
When lightning strikes, it appears to be a zig and a zag, but when you draw a line from top to bottom, you’ll be amazed when you see the straight line.
Moving from Point A to Point B is a whole lot easier when you realize that switchbacks and winding roads are part of the straight line to the top.
As you journey through life, you are heading toward a goal even when you think you are off target. The mistakes and setbacks you encounter along the way are essential corrective feedback that you need in order to win the prize. No one achieves anything without mistakes. Errors along the way are just as important as the shots you make. Without mistakes, there’s no way to truly succeed.
There’s a reason that errors, mistakes and setbacks come before the word “success” in the dictionary.
Being able to stand back and observe your mistakes without getting upset about them is the hallmark of a winner. Another prized quality is the ability to observe what you did correctly when you succeeded, and figure out how to duplicate it.
If you can remember the feeling you had the first time you sunk a free-throw or caught a ball that was thrown to you, you’re setting yourself up for more of the same. But if you sit and brood over the mistakes you’ve made, the missed free-throws and dropped passes, you are not thinking about coming up with a way to succeed.
When you see your mistakes, instead of dwelling on them exclusively, ask yourself what you want to accomplish. Picture a result you want to make happen. See yourself where you want to be, then engage in the actions that will take you where you want to go.
Notice that I did NOT advise you to completely avoid looking at your mistakes. Take a good look at them. Study them. Then use the corrective feedback of the mistakes you made as a launchpad to where you really want to go.
Remember, you can travel the road to success in a straight line, but there will be zigs and zags in that line.
Here endeth the lesson.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you want coaching in the process I’ve just described, click here.
Do the Thing – Feel the Power
“I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp.” – W. Somerset Maugham
When you look at the above quote, you may get the notion that inspiration strikes first, and that it is followed by action.
Because I’ve written plenty of books, newsletters and emails over the years, I can tell you that inspiration can strike BEFORE or AFTER you begin. Inspiration doesn’t necessarily precede action.
I have encountered this same truth in my training in various sports and martial arts, in learning a foreign language, and a plethora of other activities.
When I was training for the Honolulu marathon in 1990, there were days I wanted to run so much that I overdid it. There were days that I dreaded the running, until I got going. After 100 meters, I was ready to roll. And then there were days that I had to remind myself of “the dream” to keep myself going.
That’s the way it works.
Somedays you’re inspired before you run. Somedays you aren’t. But when you have an appointment with yourself and you are going to “do the thing” regardless of whether or not you feel inspired, a funny thing happens. Your brain and nervous system light up and you begin to feel inspired about what you’re doing.
No professional writer would ever claim, other than in jest, that he or she always feels inspired before getting started. But once the writer’s hands and fingers begin to move and words appear upon the blank sheet or screen, the brain releases dopamine and serotonin, and the writer begins to feel great, perhaps even inspired.
The truth is as follows;
Sometimes you feel inspired to write before you begin.
Sometimes you feel inspired after you begin.
Either way, inspiration doesn’t truly strike until someone and something moves.
Most importantly, it’s the daily doing at a specific time that makes the difference between the good and the great.
Set a specific time to do something on a regular basis and stick to that schedule. Some days you’ll be inspired to engage; other days you won’t. Engage anyway.
Don’t look for inspiration.
Do the thing and the inspiration will come of its own accord.
Matt Furey
P.S. Click on Psycho-Cybernetics for more information about our products and services.
One Breath at a Time
Frustration naturally arises when you’re trying to picture yourself in the future, but you feel stuck in the now.
This often leads to not wanting to do anything to achieve your goal, because the objective is too far off – or you encounter feelings that you can’t do it, so there’s no use trying.
“Let’s slow this train down, shall we?” I once told a client who was driving himself nuts. “You’re already talking about what you’re going to do when you’re 60 and you’re not even 40 years of age. Let’s start taking care of today. Better yet, let’s take care of your next breath.”
“What will focusing on my breath do for me?” he asked.
“For starters, it’ll help you eliminate fear, worry, frustration, self-doubt and feelings of failure,” I replied. “Beyond that, it will help you begin creating results that you can take pride in… today. But if you’d rather feel uptight most of the time, stick with what you’re doing. It works.”
He took what I told him seriously and began to focus and visualize the way I taught him.
After a year, he texted me to proclaim, “I can’t believe it. I was just doing my taxes and I doubled my income. I was in shock, so I double-checked the numbers, and sure enough, I was correct the first time. I’m stunned.”
“And how many years did you get the same-old results using the other methods?” I asked.
“Too many to think of at this time,” he answered.
“That’s a reply I enjoy hearing. One breath at a time, eh?”
“Yes. One breath at a time.”
Matt Furey
P.S. Want to get Psycho-Cybernetics coaching and take your game to the next level? Then click the link in the preceding sentence. This is the opportunity of your lifetime. Seize the day.
Goal Setting Frustration
Someone once asked me, “Where do you want to be in 20 years?”
“20 years?” I replied. “Are you serious? How about asking me where I see myself at the end of today?”
There’s a fundamental disconnect in goal setting that leads to deep frustration, fear and self-doubt. This disconnect unwittingly teaches you to be miserable until you reach a certain milestone.
Once you reach that milestone, THEN you can be happy.
Sorry, but happiness doesn’t work that way.
Happiness is something you practice on the way to your goal. There is no goal that, once achieved, will install happiness as a habit.
Setting a bunch of long-range targets is a waste of time for almost everyone who does it. After a year or two, when you notice that none of your targets are being reached, you not only lose interest in the goals you set, but you begin to think that you’re a failure when it comes to goal setting.
If this scenario looks and feels familiar, it’s not your fault. You failed because you were playing in a rigged game with the wrong system.
The game sounds great, but it’s rigged because your chances of having the same goals for 20 years are about as slim as Minnesota Fats.
Yes, there is a much better way to set and achieve goals. There’s a much easier arena for you to play in – and WIN.
And it has nothing to do with imposing a new set of beliefs upon yourself.
It has nothing to do with figuring out what your negative thoughts are, or devising a strategy to make all of them positive.
It has nothing to do with thinking big, or setting goals that scare you.
It has nothing to do with the ridiculous maxim of getting out of your comfort zone. Do you really think that a star athlete who is “in the zone” is uncomfortable? Hell no. He’s in the comfort zone – and that’s why he’s playing so well.
Additionally, this way of setting and achieving goals has nothing to do with the concept of taking MASSIVE ACTION.
Yes, I am serious.
I’ll go so far as to say there is no such thing as massive action. It’s a myth.
Look at reality.
You only get one breath at a time. You only get to take one step at a time. You only get to live one second at a time.
Color reality massive all you want – but this only causes more fast-twitch anxiety, nervousness and frustration.
Here’s something you may not have realized, even if you’ve read Dr. Maxwell Maltz classic best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics, numerous times. None of the concepts I blasted above, were favorably mentioned in his book.
If you think that Dr. Maltz wrote about the importance of getting out of your comfort zone or taking massive action, then please send me the passage so I can make a correction. But the fact is you aren’t going to find those passages.
Nor will you find Dr. Maltz telling you to think big or to set goals that scare you.
This explains why, when I begin coaching new clients, I usually have to help them rewind their minds, to go back to the time before they began swallowing the gobbledegook. I help them go back to a time when they were succeeding without thinking too much about it.
I’m currently in the process of interviewing prospective coaching clients – people who want to get the real goods on successful living – and go to the NEXT LEVEL.
If you are one of those people who wants to go beyond where you currently are without having to fabricate 20 years of your future, if you want to follow a simple approach to successful living that gives you results you can look at and examine on a daily basis, then go to my coaching page and fill out an application. If it turns out that we are a fit, then I will get back with you.
See it. Feel it. Be it.
Best,
Matt Furey
Zero Resistance Goal Setting
Still setting all those big, hairy, scary long-term goals?
How you coming along?
Yes, you better believe there is a simpler, better, easier and non-scary way to put yourself on the path to achieving more than you ever thought possible.
And it doesn’t require you to look five, 10 or 20 years into the future in every area of your life.
It doesn’t require that you SET GOALS THAT SCARE YOU.
It doesn’t require you to get out of your COMFORT ZONE.
It doesn’t require MASSIVE ACTION.
Nor does it require you to THINK BIG.
None of the above were taught by Dr. Maxwell Maltz in his classical best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics. None of the above are taught by me.
I’m currently in the process of interviewing prospective coaching clients – people who want to get the real goods on successful living.
If you want to go beyond where you currently are, if you want to follow a simple approach to successful living that gives you results you can look at and examine on a daily basis, then reach out to me and we’ll see where it leads.
Best,
Matt Furey
Positive Fault Finding
Ever get called a fault finder? Think it’s a negative?
Well, it most certainly can be, and oftentimes is – but leave it to el Furecat to put a positive spin on what so many people assume to be a horrendous negative.
As I often say, there are positives in every negative and negatives in every positive. Almost nothing in the human or earthly realm is one hundred percent one-way.
You may recall the line about how “no one ever erected a statue to a critic.” This line may be true, but it doesn’t mean you should negate ALL statements that are “supposedly” negative.
Why do I highlight the word “supposedly?” Because correcting course by becoming aware of your mistakes is supposed to be a positive.
Think of it this way, although fault finding can sting, the depth of the sting or the lack thereof, usually depends on WHO is finding fault, and how YOU process the information.
For example, the other day a woman wrote to tell me I had a typo on my bio page. She pointed out my use of the word “doormat” and suggested it should read “dormant.” I wrote to inform her that her evaluation was incorrect.
I didn’t condemn the woman; nor was I upset, although I could have been offended.
At this juncture in my career, I am used to men and women writing to tell me about my typos. I am also used to the reality that none of them ever point out anything good about my writing before they inform me of my error. They truly pride themselves on finding fault and expect me to see their keen insight the same way they see it in themselves, i.e. they are merely “trying to help.”
In the olden days, when I received emails that told me I had a typo, it used to irk me. Who the hell is this person? What has he or she ever written?
Yes, the answers to the questions shown above make a big difference. Why? Because if the person writing me has street-cred, if he or she is a best-selling author or seven-figure copywriter, well then, I’m probably all ears, don’t you think?
At the same time, if someone fault-finds and is wrong, I immediately let the person hear it. Some take this well – others don’t.
I remember a lad a couple years ago, who told me that I was making a mistake on a product. He was totally off-base and wrong, not only then, but to this very day. The dude didn’t appreciate me pointing out that he was wrong, and told me I am an egomaniac and should “stop being so defensive.”
Wait a second, bubba. You accuse me of doing something wrong, and when it’s pointed out that I’m not wrong, you play the “don’t be defensive” card? It’s a strange game some people play. They must stay in control, even when you prove them wrong.
Those with the highest credentials generally don’t have the desire to point out a typo or two in my emails, unless we are friends, and in that case, they generally just blurt out what they uncover.
“Hey Furey, page three, line six, you misspelled the word bloke. It’s not spelled bloak.”
“Aaah,” I reply. “You’re on it. Thanks.”
But if the person is wrong, I let him know. Then it’s time to see how HE reacts.
If he says, “Don’t be so defensive,” I realize I’m dealing with a lunatic.
Now let’s put some moolah where the action is. “No one ever builds a statue for a critic,” we are told, but… if you are PAID to be a critic, you may find yourself enjoying the enormous upside of fault-finding.
I just read today’s New York Post headlines, as I do each day. They were jumping on the shock jock, Howard Stern, saying he’s gone soft. Ouch. Then they thumped the Oscars for being the bore that they are. Viewership is down to less than 10 million. Double Ouch.
Every highly paid news anchor is a master fault finder. Diddo for the highest-paid coaches in sports. Same-same for writers.
Fault-finding is a highly profitable skill – when it’s placed in the proper hands.
As a champion athlete and martial artist, as a best-selling writer, as a parent and coach, I am a master fault finder. I get paid handsomely to find the bottlenecks that, when removed, make what you’re doing masterful – or at the bare minimum, a helluva lot better.
This means, if someone calls me a fault finder or a critic, it makes me smile.
It also means that I search for coaches who don’t polish my apples or shine my bald head. I look for coaches who will tell it to me straight, without all the bullocks.
Without a doubt, there are plenty of coaches who take fault finding too far. They never give any praise. All they do is belittle you and cut you down. That’s not the type of coach I look for. Similarly, I don’t want a coach who is always positive, who will never tell me what’s wrong because he’s afraid my feelings will get shredded.
Ideally, what I am looking for is a coach who gives me honest feedback; someone who tells me when I’m coming along, when I’m improving – but is also willing and capable of telling me that something isn’t up to a certain standard.
Show me a coach who does nothing but sing your praises, and I’ll show you a loser. Every winning coach in every sport is a master fault finder, and they can and do take their statements and their record to the bank.
See it. Feel it. Live it.
Matt Furey
P.S. Theatre of the Mind and Zero Resistance Living are waiting in the wings for those of you who are ready to fly. Get some NOW.
Kicking IS the Habit
The old commercials in the 1960’s and 70’s spoke about “kicking the habit” when it came to cigarette smoking.
Framed positively, I think of kicking AS the daily habit I want in my life.
Instead of kicking a bad habit, though, I picture kicking a GOOD habit into high gear. And kicking, in and of itself, is superb exercise for brain and body.
’tis part of the reason that I love kicking. Lots and lots of kicking.
Kicking footballs, soccer balls… even basketballs.
Kicking heavy bags. Kicking weeds.
All are good, but kicking into an imaginary scenario that I’m picturing in the air, that’s my favorite.
Last night I knocked out 100 kicks. That’s the goal I set for “light” days. But once I get going, even on easy training days, it can be hard to stop because once the dopamine and serotonin kick in, it’s a different world, one where time ceases to exist.
I take plenty of short rest breaks when I’m kicking. I don’t just kick until I’m done. It’s not uncommon for me to begin with kicks in sets of 10. I do them in super slow motion, slow motion, at a fair clip as well as at lightning fast. The variances make it easy to get my work in and make the training invigorating.
I start small so I can tackle it all.
The way I look at it, 10 kicks a day, without missing, is better than thinking I should do 1,000, but I never start because I’ve set a goal so big that I’m resisting going after it.
And that’s one of the previously unrevealed truths about setting all those big, hairy goals. Some of those hairs get stuck on your tongue and in the back of your throat. They make you resist and rebel against the very thing you supposedly decided upon.
Small daily goals remove the emotional resistance you may have to “doing the work.” If you don’t turn something into a “chore,” then your mind is free to have fun and enjoy what you’re doing. It’s also free to go way beyond the initial goal you set. Way, way beyond.
Kick your habits into high gear, one swat at a time.
Matt Furey
P.S. If you’ve already read the 35 million copy best-seller, Psycho-Cybernetics, then take a gander at the advanced courses: Zero Resistance Living and Theatre of the Mind
You, are the Director
Think of your life as a major motion feature, and in this movie, you’re more than an actor. You’re also the director, the producer, the editor, as well as the audience.
When you begin to see yourself from this vantage point, you gain an advantage, a sense of well being and control, over every aspect of your life.
Instead of doubting whether or not you can change the way you think, feel and act, you realize you CAN.
The director within says, “cut,” and has you to perform the scene again. You continue to make adjustments until the director within is pleased with the improvements.
Viewing your life from a broader perspective isn’t a one-time exercise that sticks with you forever. All improvements in life are in accord with the Law of Practice.
Visualization practice is similar to a daily shower. If you practice showering once a week, you will look, smell and feel better for one day. If you shower daily, you are better off each and every day.
Practice, or the lack of it, makes you or breaks you
Participating in a consistent visualization practice will benefit you in seen and unseen ways. To reap the rewards, make sure you’re reading and listening to the truisms that are available at Psycho-Cybernetics.
And when you are ready to go to the next level with me as your coach, go here and let’s see how I can help you become the director of your own major motion feature.
See it. Feel it. Do it.
Matt Furey
