Zero Resistance Living Newsletter
From The President
Volume 1 Issue 1
This Issue touches on several key subjects that Dr. Maltz explored and counseled his patients about.
First, the subject of "self-acceptance" - how to accept yourself as a person. Next, how to utilize networking skills to develop a positive self-image. And, Jeff Paul gives us a 'Psycho-Cybernetics' viewpoint on handling adversity. Lastly, I've included an excerpt from an article in Reader's Digest on Guilt, a problem that Dr. Maltz found and treated extensively in his practice.
I hope you enjoy this Issue!
DAN S. KENNEDY
"The Hanging Jury"
by Dan S. Kennedy
In the American legal system, we have a very definite division of labor. Law enforcement officers detect or respond to crimes committed and apprehend criminals. Prosecutors compile the evidence against these offenders and present that case in the courtroom. A judge sort of referees the give-and-take between the prosecution and the defense. Ultimately a jury decides whether or not the individual is guilty. And this system has a number of built-in safeguards to prevent the conviction of an innocent person. While it has its flaws and misfires, nobody has yet even suggested a fairer system.
It's interesting, though, that, as individuals, people too often subvert this sensible system, wipe out the carefully engineered division of labor, and act as their own prosecutor, judge and hanging jury. Dr. Maltz found that most of the people who came to him were overly critical of themselves, their own worst critics, their own hanging juries. He observed people magnifying their mistakes and minimizing their achievements. Fanning the fires of guilt but extinguishing the flicker of hope and optimism. PSYCHO-CYBERNETICS is all about giving yourself a break. He coined the terms "Kind Eyes" and "Mistake-Maker/Mistake-Breaker" to encourage people to see themselves in the best possible light. When you lift the weight of self-criticism off the shoulders of your self-image, amazing things can happen.
Dr. Maltz wrote about "self-acceptance." This is the opposite of self-criticism and self-sabotage. One of my key "Power Points" for entrepreneurs, Īdrivers', success-oriented folks who tend to be their own harshest critics is that "EVERYBODY CAN'T BE GOOD AT EVERYTHING." Accepting this lets you be "okay" with your particular combination of strengths and weaknesses. Sure, you want to improve whenever you can. But you do not want to be so frustrated with the things you don't do well that you develop a sense of dissatisfaction with everything you do or with yourself as a person.
Some years ago, I spent some time with an entrepreneur who had lived a marvelous rags-to-riches story, started a business right after going through an embarrassing bankruptcy, had little to work with but ideas and determination, and mostly via "true grit" developed a 50 million dollar a year business in short order. His was an impressive story. But this fellow had a very unimpressive habit. He was unbelievably forgetful about "little things." If he took his shoes off on a long flight, he was perfectly capable of walking off the airplane and through the entire airport in his socks. He had to travel with five pairs of eyeglasses because he'd set them down and walk off and forget them in restaurants, hotels and offices. I was around when somebody, exasperated with him, asked him why he didn't take a memory training course and get his act together. Would you like to hear a millionaire's answer to that question? Here it is:
"I've decided it's no big deal. I mean, I could fix it if I made it a top priority, but I've got more important things to think about. It's easier just to buy a lot of glasses, make a lot of notes, and have people follow me around scooping up the stuff I forget and leave behind. I'm a mental giant at making money. Why should I have to be good at everything?"
Now I don't know how you feel about that answer. But think about the ordinary, average person's response to such a situation. He would mercilessly beat himself up about this failing. "I'm so stupid........I can't remember anything....I'm an idiot"....and so on. He would magnify this single, isolated flaw into a broad, far-reaching indictment. He would lay the evidence of this flaw out in front of the jury, then not bother putting on the defense's case of everything else he does well, and let that jury convict him as "unworthy."
Becoming A "Master Networker"
by Harvey Mackay
In this Chapter, excerpted from Harvey Mackay's newest book DIG THE WELL BEFORE YOU'RE THIRSTY, you'll find a number of Psycho-Cybernetics Techniques at work, although not identified as such, and you'll be encouraged to succeed at developing personal networking skills - even if doing so is uncomfortable for you. We highly recommend Harvey's book.
Fred was one of my schoolmates from fourth grade all through college.
He was a loner, a total introvert, painfully shy, with all the baggage that comes with it - the dead-fish handshake, the downcast eyes that never quite met yours, the halting, barely audible stabs at conversation.
Still, Fred was sincere, honest, hardworking, a thoroughly decent person.
I'm sure Fred went through high school without ever having a date. I can remember how, on graduation day, many of us trolled the halls to corral our classmates into signing our yearbooks. We competed with each other to see who could fill the most pages with reminiscences and tributes from their friends.
But not Fred. Once again, too timid, too shy. It would be a force job for Fred to go up to a classmate and request this easy favor.
Fast forward to college.
Somehow, Fred managed to get into a fraternity. Maybe it was because he never had a bad word to say about anyone. Maybe he was a "legacy." Maybe it was because Fred decided it was something he wanted badly enough to come out of his cocoon and really go for.
What was it that changed him? Only The Shadow knows.
Whatever it was, whatever it took, a new Fred began to emerge.
By our last year in college, he was unrecognizable from the Fred of our high school years.
He had become popular and gregarious. Fred's "lost years" in high school had not been entirely wasted. He seemed to know more about swing music and jazz than anyone else on campus, probably from listening to it alone in his room. He also developed a flair for dancing, a considerable social advantage.
After college, Fred and several of his fraternity brothers formed a partnership in the automotive business. They became very successful.
We all know people like Fred. Some of them never manage to shake off their early problems.
For some people, networking is as natural and instinctive as breathing. We all know people who are self-confident, radiate optimism, make friends easily, and seem to glide through life on winged feet.
Not many of them will be readers of this book.
Why should they be? They do this stuff without even having to think about it. They network with their alarm clocks when they wake up in the morning.
This book - and particularly this chapter - is addressed to the rest of us, the Freds of the world, those not quite so sure of ourselves, perhaps a bit shy, even timid. We're not out there bowling over everyone we meet with our dazzling smiles or brilliant conversation. We're not even out there bowling.
For most people networking is a learned behavior, like learning to swing. It is a gradual - more often painful, even scary - process of trial and error, small incremental steps, and finally a few breakthroughs.
Fortunately, there are several tried and true techniques for overcoming this Fear of Trying.
1. Practice "let's pretend."
Why do we procrastinate? Why are we shy? We fear failure, and we define failure as falling short of perfection. Since perfection is impossible to achieve, we are conflicted and act tentatively, or don't act at all.
Plato said each thing or idea has a perfect form. While we can never achieve the ideal form, we should attempt to come as close as we can be observing and emulating the characteristics of the idea.
Let's segue from the ancient Greeks to the modern angst-ridden networker. There is someone you want to meet. You have done your homework, you are aware of an affinity or a shared experience with this person, but you are afraid to make the first move.
Why not play a game with yourself? The name of the game is "Let's Pretend."
Ask yourself, "What would the ideal networker do in this situation?"
Pretend you are that person. And do it.
If you are able to do that, you can reinvent yourself.
By pretending you are what you are not, you actually can become what you have pretended to be.
2. Adopt a role model.
What's the difference between this suggestion and the Aristotle gambit?
Your ideal is real, not imagined.
You're not asking yourself what the perfect person would do, you've attached yourself to a successful networker and you're committed to studying his or her techniques.
In the best of all possible worlds, your role models also can become your mentors, helping you, advising you, guiding you, even lending you their network as you build your own.
For the shy or anxious person, this method has two advantages:
* It takes only one good connection to start you on your way.
* Your natural shyness and inexperience can help rather than hinder you. As you gain confidence and skills, your role model will take pride in your progress and be motivated to do even more for you.
3. Take lessons.
You're taking one now, as you read this book, so you're already a believer in the learning process. There are other, real-life educational opportunities that are effective for overcoming shyness and inexperience.
The first real networking school I signed up for after I got out of college was Toastmasters. It proved so valuable to me that here I am many years later being paid handsomely as a public speaker, even though my main thrust is still running my business.
Toastmasters is not just about making speeches. It's about doing your homework, self-confidence, appearance, and becoming an interesting person and a valuable resource to others. In other words, Toastmasters can help you gain and polish the tools to become a successful networker.
The Dale Carnegie schools are designed to achieve similar goals. I'm a graduate, and I can tell you from my own experience that they are masters at instilling personal confidence, polish, poise, communication, and networking skills in their students. They've been around a long time - an excellent indication that they are getting results.
And if you hope one day to be a professional public speaker, or if you just want to sound like one, there is no better organization to join than the National Speakers Association (NSA), headquartered in Tempe, Arizona.
I am a member and collectively we speak to 20 million people a year. If you're looking to hire a speaker for an event, they're the ones to call. In fact, I believe this organization is so worthwhile that if you don't feel you got your money's worth the first year, send me a copy of your canceled check and I'll give you a "Harvey Mackay Scholarship" - the second year's membership is on me. NSA can be reached at (602) 968-2552 or via the Worldwide Web at www.NSASpeaker.org. They can explain to you about national membership and/or put you in touch with your local chapter.
4. Keep taking lessons.
Graduation is not the end of your education. It's the foundation, the launching pad, the beginning. Unless you keep your batteries charged, they will run down. For an ongoing source of inspriation and motivation, I recommend subscribing to Norman Vincent Peale's publication Positive Living. A smilar publication in more condensed form is Bits & Pieces.
5. Join up.
Just about any group offers possibilities for making contacts and achieving personal growth: Dancing. Choir. Coin collecting. Horseback riding. Art appreciation. Theatre going. Antique shopping. Politics. Great books. Wine. Food.
6. Have a little faith.
Dale Carnegie probably summed it up best: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. Which is just another way of saying that the way to make a friend is to be one."
How Good Will Your Bad "Shots" Be?
by Jeff Paul
Jeff is rapidly becoming deeply involved in golf, as a player, and as the publisher/marketer of the famous Dalton McCrary Straight Shootin' Golf instructional video tapes and other materials. Here's a lesson for successful living based on a golf lesson.
Setbacks. Obstacles. How often do things we want to accomplish get interfered with by seemingly outside influences and forces that appear to thwart our every attempt at gaining success.
No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, we end up finding the path to success literally littered with large black holes, enormous hurdles, mile high eight foot thick brick walls, and other forms of roadblocks....preventing us from getting down the road.
It doesn't matter what your goals are, or what path you choose to get there, it is certain that the road will be anything but a newly paved blacktop, perfectly smooth, with nothing but wide open road in front of you.
If you're trying to lose weight, stop a bad habit, make money, develop a relationship with another person you care about, or any other worthwile endeavor you choose to undertake....you will almost always face adversity and challenges. Some you expect. Others come out of outer space or left field. Sometimes you have a warning, and sometimes the warning comes after the disaster strikes. Too late.
Now my point is that trying to avoid speed bumps in life is smart and certainly worthwhile, but often you will be faced with challenges and problems you never saw before, never anticipated, never knew about.
Yet there they are. Waiting with open arms to smack you upside the head, and say, "Hi friend, look who's here to mess you up, big time!"
So what do we do? How do we handle such adversity?
I think there is a right answer, and thousands of wrong ones.
The right answer is to spend time picturing yourself in your Theatre Of The Mind getting out of the mess. Watching yourself figure out how to calmly and rationally deal with the cards you've been dealt. Watching a movie of you leading everyone else involved in your mess out of the mess.
See, Dr. Maltz says you have to visualize other times in your life when you were faced with a big problem and figured out how to solve it. You have to literally SEE yourself taking the actions you took other times. You have to experience what everything felt like, what everything was like around you....in other words you have to put yourself BACK in those times, and make yourself the actor who is reliving the past successes!
Then, you have to put yourself in another movie Once you've set up your servo-mechanism to automatically act successfully by reliving past successful times, you have to bring a new as yet unrealized success into this new movie in your mind....so it can lead you automatically to achieving the goal of overcoming the hurdle in front of you.
Your mind cannot distinguish between fantasy success and real success. When you SEE the new problem being solved so dlearly and distincly, your mind thinks it's already happened. which means your mind is wide open to thinking through solutions and taking necessary ACTIONS. You won't become filled with self pity, anger, resentment or doubts, which assure the problem will never get fixed.
Plus, and this is a huge plus, you won't look for excuses or blame outside factors. You won't lay off the responsibility to other people or things. You won't be languishing in the comforting but useless land of a million excuses. You won't find the solace and lack of success that placing the responsibility elsewhere causes!
YOU will accept that YOU are responsible 100%, and that the answers will only come from YOU! Your automatic success servo-mechanism that comes from the constant visualization and watching the Theater Of Your Mind just takes over and allow syou to see reality and to be open to thoughts, suggestions and input that will give the answers you seek!
It's amazing how many times you will run into problems and obstacles.
Just when you think you've got it licked, another hairy arm comes up out of the ground to grab your ankles and try to drag you down.
You have to be on your guard, and be ready to act when the time comes.
Just like an athlete practices over and oer and is ready for the time when he or she needs to have automatic responses and actions...you have to keep your mind practiced and sharp with ongoing mental visualization.
Then, when you need to perform under pressure, you will be able to, because you'll be ready!
And you won't ever let yourself get sucked into the traps of blaming "bad luck" and excuses! YOU will be in charge and YOU will have an automatic mind that finds answers easily and achieves the goal of living life with Zero Resistance!
See, to me life is a lot like a game of golf. Why?
Well, in golf, the answer to how your score comes out is a direct result of just how good your bad shots were. Every golfer, no matter how skilled, always has bad shots in a round. Always.
An example. The difference between the top performers and the mediocre or poor golfers is that the excellent golfer's mis-hit shot from the fairway ends up in the short grass right next to the green. Not on the green like they wanted to be, but only a few yards away. The poor golfer's mis-hit approach shot lands twenty-five yards to the side of the green, behind a giant oak tree.
Life is like that. The real question you have to ask yourself is just how good your bad moments are!
You are going to have bad moments. How you handle them will determine how good the bad spots are. If you're prepared through Zero Resistance Living techniques,using them as a way of life, your bad spots won't be as bad as everyone elses. You'll be next to the green instead of behind the trees, so to speak.
Because you don't make excuses and don't blame bad luck, you automatically can handle the problems better, making them far less bad. And thus, making your life so much better than most people ever have.
Think about it, and start watching that movie in your mind right now! If you do, responsibility is yours, bad luck is eliminated from your vocabulary, and you'll leave behind your old world of letting road blocks actually block you from where you want to get!
The Image Of Man
An old-time philosopher once said that every man needs three mirrors in his home to reflect his image in three different ways. The first mirror should show him as he is in his own eyes; the second as his neighbors see him; and the third, as he is capable of being.
Inspirational Quotes |
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